so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
