Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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