Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
