we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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