maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
