Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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