I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
