then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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