Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
