waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
