Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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