dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
