alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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