Umm I'm too high to move.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
