i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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