He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
