I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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