how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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