oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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