I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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