I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
