It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
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My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
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Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.