i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The power of my boobs compel you
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
