At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
