Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
a search helicopter?!
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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