"it" just moved
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"