I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?