She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
