All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
