I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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