I'm really into asian looking animals
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
