I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
