i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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