At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
