i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
