guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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