You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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