he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
