obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
operation have a gay friend backfired
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
