your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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