Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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