So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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