I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
so much tequila, so little girl.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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