When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize