Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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