Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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