This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
