I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
