Dual....:-)
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
