T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I deserve to be covered in dicks
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
