I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
