The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
