There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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