p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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