I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
It's just like the Real World with babies
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
