They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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