i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
