My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
