I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
