you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
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ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
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I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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