How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
