Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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