I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
MIDGETS
????
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
