Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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