how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
operation harelip BJ is a go
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
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the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
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At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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