The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
