That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
