The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
