Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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