Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
