there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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