I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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