Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize