It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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