Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
