Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
