When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
