She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
So squirting runs in the family.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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