Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
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Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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