Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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