I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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