i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
