I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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