she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
