I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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