omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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