i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
