I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
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I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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